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Miles on the clock

Road trips. I’ve had a few. Enough to be wary of the romanticism surrounding them being eroded by the reality that is the sheer size and starkness of Australia. Particularly in high summer when the blue sky is almost too harsh, the golden plains searingly brutal, the never ending bitumen writhing like a red bellied black. Radio stations crackle in and out, much like the throats of the cricket commentators gasping for water.

A dry golden landscape of grass and mountains

Road trips here can be weary affairs but ultimately beguiling and entrancing and, after a little while, addictive. The latest pill of addiction kicked in for me on our drive home, somewhere between Albury and Gundagai. There’s not a lot along the road here other than an easy cruise control in mid morning light, hay bales and cows under ribbons of eucalypts, lumpy, rocky outcrops grazing the sky. We’d just stopped beside a giant submarine and had a scalding hot country coffee, and naturally I didn’t want this to come to an end.

It was barely a week ago that we started out in a similar, familiar landscape. Better coffee picked up barely out of the big smoke in Murrumbateman and the second day of the Boxing Day test on the radio. Rounding Yass and pointing towards Melbourne, days that could, or could possibly not, go on forever.

A distinction of this road trip was in it being fully electric powered. And despite a battery percentage of 60% our very first stop was at an Elon data harvesting facility in a rundown car park in the middle of nowhere. I say nowhere, but I mean Coolac, where a parade of mostly Tesla wankers were inching towards their next connection with the almighty. I felt the need to discharge in the portaloo.

What struck me was the opportunity beside these chargers…a rundown pub fenced off and seemingly out of business. Oh to have a coffee or beer or sandwich and buy some discounted MAGA hats signed by Barnaby Joyce while the slower-than-advertised supercharger does it work.

Being post-Christmas excess days, lunch was thankfully already packed. We wouldn’t go hungry. Think meat and cheese and sausage rolls and pickles and crackers and pretzel nut mixes and plump Aussie cherries and eternal shortbread. But this was hardly the most scenic spot in which to eat. So we moved on and dispelled much of our extra charge to reach the far lovelier Tumut and picnic beside the river.

Our route to Melbourne was a little off the beaten track, heading instead through Tumbarumba and Corryong. Not far out of Tumut, the first of the random oh let’s stop for some fruit which may have also been turned into alcohol stops. A sharp u-turn to take us back into the home of the Apple Thief on the outskirts of Batlow. Ciders for off the road.

After cakier refreshments at Tumbarumba (and a genuinely super charge), we paused for a lovely short walk down to the base of Paddys River Falls. As much as road trips are about a car, it is also rather welcome to get out of the car. To be in nature, to smell the dried out warmth, to hear the piercing crescendo of a cicada frenzy eventually drowned out by torrents of water. And, once sated and feeling a little sweaty, enjoy a comfortable seat and fresh cooling as you return to the road.

A waterfall plunging into a gorge

It was new road for me, skirting the western fall of the Australian Alps. Rounded and snowless, more a cattle-driving, fly-buzzing style of high country than the old ski goggles and an overpriced Orangina. Somewhere there, Mount Kosciuszko, a hillock among hillocks on the horizon.

The countryside here seems particularly vast and sunbaked. A borderlands aching the eyes with perennial glare and jarring contrast. Only the Murray River, and its sinuous offshoots, pacify and give the place life. A whole abundance of it.

Several views of the wide Murray River

Such as a deranged fairy wren tap-tapping at a window at six in the morning. And when there is no answer there, doing the same with my car’s wing mirror. I can only assume the bird hasn’t worked out its reflection and is threatened by that rather handsome chap in blue, leaving a mess all over an EV.

A blue fairy wren on a car wing mirror

We were staying beside the river for a couple of nights, easing into road tripping life. This gave us a gentle day to relax in an oasis, to admire the serenity and – I foolishly assumed – lounge in front of the cricket. But with one of those things off the table, we ventured out to the nearest town with a coffee, Corryong, and followed this up with a country pub lunch in Tintaldra. Home of the slippiest steak sandwich in – wait – the state of Victoria.

And so, the next day, much of Victoria beckoned. After a pleasing drive along the Murray Valley Highway towards Tallangatta, a further detour took us to another most excellent charging stop in charming Yackandandah. For as the car replenishes quickly and cheaply, the humans treasure Beechworth Bakery cream donuts and good quality coffee under the cooling shade of broad leaves.

This corner of Victoria is really quite delightful, worthy of more than a quick pass through. As we drive through tree-lined roads and undulating pasture, I note the cycling track weaving underneath the shade. Linking up small towns with bakeries and breweries and wineries and cheeseries. Former rail lines reincarnate into gourmet gateways.

Cakes, fruit and wine in country Victoria

We pause at a fruit farm and this is like a blast from the childhood past. Pick-Your-Own strawberries and raspberries, which taste a thousand times better than anything featuring in an Australian supermarket near you. Having initiated Avery in the joy of English strawberries, this is the next best thing.

The fruits of our journey kind of fill the gap of what should have been lunch, and make the trip on the now more conventional Hume Highway of mild interest. Benalla makes for a belated sandwich but little else, and ticking off junctions – Violet Town, Euroa, Seymour, Kilmore, Wallan – the car reaches the sprawling outer fringes north of Melbourne. There are billboards and lifestyle plots and tradie ute parades and roads that simply end in a field and, from several vantage points, a city skyline distant.

A distant view of the skyline of Melbourne CBD

Civilisation proclaims itself with a Dominos and Woollies and Maccas and eventually you’ll find a Bunnings. Making hay while the new builds rise. Holding on, lapped at by subdivisions as jets descend towards Tullamarine, a winery stands on a hill. More fruits for the growing collection.

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You plan things on road trips and you don’t plan things. I never imagined during my youthful flights of fancy in the chill gloom of England that one day I would be standing in Colac Bunnings buying an extension cord so my Chinese wife could boil herbal tea. I never imagined this when I woke up this morning, but we are where we are.

The car is happily plugged in and charging, and the battery percentage is heading in the opposite direction to the temperature. Those on day trips from Melbourne bedecked in the shorts befitting thirty degrees are in for a rude awakening. The benefit of carrying everything with you is also the awkwardness of changing pants in the driver’s seat in a car park. There is always an old dear passing by, carrying a bag of vegetables, just at the wrong moment.

If the contrast in climate from Melbourne to Colac is a shock, the change in a few hundred metres in the Otways is next level. We reach our destination which is buffeted by cold gales, shrouded in the cloud. Some sad looking tents with sad looking people flap about next to the car park. The occupants sheepishly smile at us, an expression attempting to project we’re having a wonderful summer holiday with the kids vibes, belied by kill me now eyes.

A person walking through a green forest of trees and ferns

Other day visitors pause, get out of their cars, get back in, and flee. Some video the wildness for their feeds. We feed in the car and resolve to stick with the plan. To go for a walk to Beauchamp Falls.

The power of trees. Step down into the forest, the beautiful, spiritual forest, and there is almost instant tranquility. The clouds rise and the winds fade, replaced by a still calm now only pierced by patches of birdsong. Fern umbrellas and a crystal brook decorate the trail, gathering pace to cascade in natural splendour. The reinvigorating shower.

A view at the base of some lovely waterfalls

Those idiots who parked up, got out of their cars, got back in and fled are idiots. Ha. Though this practice tends to be de rigueur for the Great Ocean Road, often with a quick snap of a rock formation. Cutting across to Lavers Hill and towards Port Campbell eventually we see ocean on this ocean road, and quickly bypass any busy rock formation stops for later in the day. First, a warm drink and some Christmas biscuits.

For peak holiday season, Port Campbell had a bleak, almost abandoned air about it. I suspect people were hunkering down in their caravans, or still off looking at rock formations. A few were hanging around a car park waiting for their Teslas to revitalise for the trip back to Melbourne. Others, like us and the seagulls, were fuelling up on chips.

The landscape around is stark – the aptly named Skeleton Coast – and today it is especially windswept. Under blanket cloud, we walk off some of the chips with a tour of the nearby formations, which are still popular and still populated by the odd freak in shorts and T-shirt. The temperature reads 13 degrees and declares a feels like of 7. I detect some Yorkshire accents among the sightseers – taking advantage of a bonus day of non-cricket – clearly enjoying the summer.

Wild coastal rock formations lapped at by the ocean

Some of the famous Twelve Apostles along the Great Ocean Road

Various lookouts at Loch Ard Gorge prove suitably rugged and mystical, and befitting of a blurry photo or ten. Other than the odd professional with a five metre lens, there are largely two types of photographer bumbling around. Many, like us, are of the hold on to your hats and try to stop your cameraphone from shaking too much brigade. At the other end of the spectrum, I can only say the proliferation of posing and pouting and prancing and performative poppycock on display was of another dimension. It turns out one of my loves in later life is lingering in shot, lurking in the background.

I guess I’m not dissimilar to an Apostle then, one of the twelve or seven or five or whatever it is standing in formation, providing a backdrop to people’s holiday memories. Some Apostles are more photogenic than others however, particular when some welcome and wonderful late in the day lighting emerges. Though tantalising, it’s too cold to wait for sunset. Plans can change. Let the sky redden from the coziness of a warm bed.

A cold and windswept couple ready for bed

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By no means was it summer the next day, but there was a gentle warmth in the shelter of the dunes at Apollo Bay, sipping on a coffee from one of the many options lining the main drag. By Port Campbell standards, this place was a pulsating melee of humanity, outwardly catering to the day trip coach stop morning tea and lunch crowd. A few fairground rides on the foreshore reserve hinted at the fact that it was New Year’s Eve and numerous groups of wee nippers of varying ages engaged in their surf lifesaving holiday drills. The water was relatively benign too, the bay sheltered by a soothing landscape of gentle green hills, bisected by meandering gullies.

Drinking coffee beside the ocean

On the way to Apollo Bay I spotted a koala dangling from a tree hanging out into the middle of the road. It was not at all suitable to stop, so we resolved to amble along the banks of Kennett River seeking lumps of grey snoozing in the treetops. It is a good workout for the neck, especially as none are to be spotted.

It seems the koalas are on holiday, and you can sense from the faces of the people returning along the track that they too had no success. This, of course, makes me regret not slamming on the brakes and performing a dangerous U-turn and parking on an unstable grass verge earlier in the day.

It’s a lovely drive onto Lorne, hugging the coastline with numerous headlands and bays. And while it is far from a sporty festival of testosterone, the EV is a pleasure to drive. No continuous crunching up and down gears, instant acceleration out of the corners and onto the next, freewheeling and charging down to one inlet after another.

A bay backed by a forested hill

The car deserves a recharge in Lorne, as do we, with what seems to be the last of the Christmas picnic leftovers. We don’t do much else, for Lorne seems even more chaotic than Apollo Bay, a sure sign of an impending big city.

But we bypass Geelong and soon enough reach the sprawl of Melbourne. Where it seems almost everyone is at Lorne. Scouring the streets near where we are staying in Preston, we settle for dinner at one of the few places open which turns out to be a very fine and popular Vietnamese.

It is a relief to eat something that isn’t based around the anglicised nutrition of Christmas. A good way to set course for 2026. Now for the fireworks. Or the top of one or two fireworks if you look closely enough at the distant city skyline from a hill in Coburg. At the end of the display, some of the kids were still asking their parents whether it had started yet. Sorry Melbourne, but Sydney wins this one by a landslide.

The rest of the stay in Melbourne was a rather languid and, to be honest, relatively unexciting time. I avoided the city centre and we ended back at the Vietnamese on New Year’s Day, having scoured a few other nearby suburbs for anything different that might be open. We did find a coffee spot earlier in the day which was both grungy, pretentious and what any middle aged white person on Sky News would shrilly denounce as woke. And to be fair, it was a bit ridiculous that you could only get one cup size. On New Year’s Day when you might, feasibly, require a little extra boost.

But they were open so fair play to them and by the second day of the year things were a little more bustling. It was good to finally see Preston markets in all its technicolour effervescence and summer felt like it was back in swing as temperatures once again nudged over the 30s. My wife took to the air-conditioning with a friend in the largest shopping mall in the southern hemisphere, leaving me alone to tackle the first day of being back at remote work. The shopping mall was clearly larger than I expected for the afternoon progressed into a solitary, non-Vietnamese dinner, followed by a cheeky jaunt to Fitzroy for some gelato and a car top up. I was 99% looking forward to hitting the road again.

Our trip back was a less ambling affair, taking in much of the soporific Hume Highway to quickly reduce the kilometres remaining. Before we got too bored though, we pulled in to see the relloes in Beveridge and later stopped at Euroa for some lovely lunch. It was a blessing in disguise that the motorway service centre was chokka and the EV chargers were impossible to find, for we went back to the small town centre instead and enjoyed a much more pleasant experience in a local café, supporting the locals instead of McColonel Hamburglar. Euroa had a nice feel about it, and I can imagine having a very relaxed stay in the local caravan park. At least for a few days.

Towns like this in Victoria seem to come at conveniently regular intervals and our next stop in Beechworth is the final one for the day. There is time to relax and recharge and amble the well-preserved and elegant Victorian streets, browse the independent stores and plan what fine local produce we can sample over dinner. In the end we go for the brewery and wood-fired pizza, though both of us choose a glass of local red instead of the many ales. This would be a good choice for perhaps another time, with a pair of bikes in tow.

Scenes of the buildings in Beechworth, Victoria

Beechworth of course hosts its namesake bakery and we called in the next morning to stock up for the final leg of our trip home. The road from here to Wodonga was charmingly beautiful in the early morning light. And then you hit the NSW border and everything changes.

The landscape is more indistinct and ordinary and being back on the Hume Highway hardly helps. The next ‘big’ place after Albury – Gundagai – is a mere 166 kilometres away. But there is always a random town with shit coffee and a giant submarine to break things up. And isn’t that a wonderfully reassuring fact, a beauty in its own right, another pill swallowed on the road to road trip addiction.

Australia Driving Food & Drink Green Bogey
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Bowlin’

As I disconcertingly approach twenty years in Australia I forget how many times I have been exposed to “the most highly anticipated Ashes series in history.” Only to be either irritated and / or bored senseless within the time it takes to make a dubious TV umpiring decision.

So, here we are again.

It’s funny how Australia (the cricket team) has irked me over the years, causing me to seek solace in Australia (the country). Give it thirty minutes or so among the gum trees and almost all is forgiven Warnie, Gillie, Mitcho, Smithy, Patty, Garry, and usually some guy slapping it about on “dayboo”. Even if the kookaburras knowingly cackle to rub salt in the wound (or sandpaper on the balls).

Meanwhile, the only time I get to wax lyrical about England is here on these pages, when I am focused on sharing the latest updates on pasties from Cornwall and vistas from a coast path. Indeed, there seems to be more English content for AI to regurgitate to the level of an eight-year-old than there is antipodean. Perhaps because England feels so exotic these days, what with its M&S biscuits and quirky place names and increasingly chaotic populist edginess.

Corners of Australia offer sanctuary from much of the nonsense, helped in part by third world internet and mobile blackspots. Purer, halcyonesque days of sandy toes and salty air, of flip flops floating on the incoming tide as whales flap within a deep blue sea. Places where some numpty on Facebook will film a short video montage to the title of ‘It kills me when people come to Australia and miss this pristine secret hideaway.’ If that’s what bloody well kills you then a) wait until you hear about the snakes and b) please, be my guest.

Since those sojourns in England we have been to the south coast of NSW at least three times by my reckoning. Twice in or around Tathra, where whales thrash their way down the Pacific Highway and prawns land upon the plate. There are friends to catch up with and walks through spotted gums to serpentine lagoons. And trips north or south to an array of small, unassuming coastal towns.

Eden made a change, a place I had not walked upon for several years but reassuringly familiar. There have been catastrophic fires and a pandemic and Trump x 2 and still the prospect over Twofold Bay is soothing to the soul. There is a lost paradise about this place, hidden within the rough edges.

Hidden too, the Bundian Way. An ancient 365km pathway from Turemulerrer (Twofold Bay) to the mountain ranges of Targangal (Mount Kosciuszko) that Aboriginal people from Yuin, Ngarigo, Jaitmathang, Bidawal Country have walked for thousands of years. Now rising in consciousness again following an impressive book and the development of an easy, accessible, beautiful couple of kilometres to start.

On the topic of hidden paradises, a golf course next to the sea would tick many boxes, especially for English cricketers busily training. Just north of Merimbula, Tura Beach has one, although the sea often remains hidden behind dunes and tea tree and banksia. These hazards are supplemented by protective plovers and swampy ponds and numerous retirees doddering along with their dogs. I never realised the entirety of Tura Beach was effectively a Goodwin retirement village.

Still, I might qualify soon. And being ‘of an age’, I have been trying to get into the swing of things again. This includes packing my golf clubs in the car and bringing them along for a coastal trip in the hope my darling wife will fancy a break from me and I’ll kill this time by hacking at a little white ball with a metal rod.

In hindsight perhaps I would have been better off with a siesta too. The recovery shots seem to be my forte, but then I get plenty of practice. Why don’t I just pretend I am smacking a low shot under some trees all of the time?

I could try fishing instead. Which takes me now to Mollymook and a tenuous link with Stein and his seafood cookery. Last time here we stayed above his restaurant overlooking the ocean eating noodles in a cup. This time, we stayed down in the Pavillion, eating at the golf club bistro. I guess, barring the noodles, this was a more downmarket affair.

This is possibly the most privileged paragraph ever written but I guess the problem with staying at Bannister’s Pavillion after previously staying at Bannister’s By The Sea is that you had previously stayed at Bannister’s By The Sea. The comedown is like being, say, 1/105 at lunch and then bowled out for 164. I mean the rooftop pool is pretty and that but what is with all the random gurgling and banging and knocking? Not to mention the parade of 5am Ford Rangers commuting back to the eastern suburbs of Sydney on a Monday morning just outside your room.

But, well, happy birthday me. The sun came out and the pool was inviting enough to dip in and we travelled a road well-travelled to get back home with familiar highlights along the way. Like Bendalong Bays and Kangaroo Valleys and Fitzroy Falls and Bundanoon Bakes. Familiarities becoming more familiar than scones and cream and Tesco and paying for air and countryside pubs. They, like test match wins, are the rarities. They the exotic.

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Sunset over the water with trees and ferns in the foreground
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Like ships that stay static in the night

I would still, I think, shirk a cruise. Or at least shirk a type of cruise on a gargantuan ship with casinos and cabaret and eleven varieties of norovirus, where a life on algae seas is punctuated by a stopover at some out-of-town docks in a shady part of the early hours.

What concerns me the most is the difficulty of escaping what is – in essence – a well-watered, well-fed and well-pampered prison. However, being well-watered, well-fed and well-pampered I can see why many can be charmed.

There has to be some kind of happy medium. Somewhere, say, you can feel as if you are being suitably glamorous and pampered and within touching distance of lifestyles of the rich and the famous without the prospect of throwing up the remnants of those prawns from the captain’s table down a series of portholes. Something like the spirit of a cruise ship anchored upon land.

Well, maybe there is such a place. And if you were hoping for some really daggy Australian novelty, such as a submarine in landlocked Holbrook, you’ll be disappointed. This was all class and not at all designed in the shape of a liner. A beacon to living the fancy life – with a handy 25% discount – on a headland in Mollymook. The good ship Bannisters by the Sea.

Now usually ‘by-the-sea’ is a British adjunct denoting a place that is very sketchy and boasts access to brown tidal mudflats and a generous array of ASBOs. But no such qualms here, the ocean pounding on three sides, views north towards Jervis Bay from our very stationery balcony, not a hoon in sight. The pool below competing with a small rocky cove for either domesticated or wild swimming. Or just stay close and soak in the spa bath.

A series of coastal views

The little cove – known as Jones Beach – was far from the golden sweeps of sand more typical of Australia, more typical of Mollymook. If you squint a little you can see a piece of – maybe – South East Cornwall here. The kind of place where Mr Stein would cook up some pilchards on coals in a Covid-era travel show when he couldn’t really travel all that far. Before embarking on a wild swim or just a swim if you prefer before it became a ‘wild’ thing during the early 2020s.

Back on the ship, we dined on breakfast at Mr Stein’s eponymous eatery, an expectedly tasty affair without ever being too fussy. A place where after your choice of omelette you could spend a fortune on cookbooks and souvenir tote bags. I sometimes think we might bump into the owner, coming up from a swim in the cove and I’d be all like “Hey Rick, I’m from Plymouth” and he would say something smart like “Oh I’m sorry to hear that, though I once found terrific lobster at the Barbican fish markets from some guy called Bodger who later took me round the Mewstone in his boat.”

And I’d be all rose-tinted reminiscing of Britain-by-the-sea and we’d share a moment under the deep blue southern skies as the kookaburras cackle. Thinking home to a place that keeps pulling you back on its seaweed and shopping trolley tide. See you around Padstow, boy.

Waves at dusk lapping onto a pebbly shore
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Balloons rising over a lake with a row boat gliding across the water
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Surprise!

Whether it’s an epic global adventure or – more likely – random meanderings close to home, travel is an integral and frequently joyous feature of many of our lives. But we travel not only in relation to our immediate geography, we travel too in our mind and soul. We travel on that most mystifying and blessed journey that is life. And, like the laboured 09:00 from London Paddington, my life journey has called in – notably delayed – at a rather significant station.

Which is all to say I got married. So let’s call this station Bath rather than Bristol Parkway, for there is elegance and grace and it is a far nicer place to be. Plus I’m hopeful there will be more stops along the journey, all the way to my final Penzance (and then perhaps onto that renowned land of the undead, the Scilly Isles).

One of the lovely things about this Bath station is the convergence of fellow travellers from journeys past. Reunion and reacquaintance with others a cut above those relationships you form with strangers on the same carriage on the same train at the same time on the Northern Line from Finchley Central every weekday morning.

And so from this metaphorical Bath to a literal Canberra. It’s a fair leap, one almost mirrored in real life by Dad who arrived with time spare to stalk butterflies and ice cream parlours in between a wedding. We picked a good time of year for it, when Canberra’s skies are filled with decorations natural and man made, and the weather is plenty warm enough for hokey pokey.

Hot air balloons hovering over a lake

I particularly enjoyed a walk with Dad to Square Rock immediately after the wedding fever had died down. Not only was it one of those rare spots he had never been to, it was also nourishing to cleanse myself of run sheets and entrance music files and stickers on glasses and lines in Mandarin and fingers crossed about the weather and forgotten bouquets and the pile of photos to sort out.

A view over mountains and forest from a rocky outcrop

Space, clear air, nature and snacks on rocks. Though, with a ring on my finger, wedding memories were never far away. I was thinking the rocky outcrop would make a good spot for a proposal, champagne corks shooting into the yonder. But once is enough, thank you very much.

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From a romantic spot with Dad to a “honeymoon” with Dad. I use the quotation marks (and can mime the associated comical gesture should you wish) deliberately. For if I was to pick a honeymoon venue it would probably not be the Gold Coast. And yes it’s unlikely I’d take my Dad. Coincidence just did its whole chance occurrence of simultaneous events thing where cheap flights booked long ago met a weekend after a wedding.

view of a beach and blue green sea, with some artful cock and balls etched into the sand

Storm clouds approaching a beach

There were many positives about the Gold Coast, enough to balance out the humid showers and traffic lights and bogan tendencies to etch cocks and balls in the sand. We had a super view from our apartment, only dwarfed into insignificance once atop Q1 for a buffet breakfast. Within a thong’s throw of the beach, the water was lovely to wade through, and residual sand could be washed off in our pool just across the road.

From the balcony, night markets were spotted and explored, a trail of stalls selling healing crystals or imploring you to hold a lizard for twenty bucks or to commission a really bad caricature for more. And food options lay out in excess, from Japanese to Thai to McDonalds and Messina. Gelato fans, new and old, converge.

A group of people eating ice cream

The sprawl of the Gold Coast can make it seem hard to escape. And, like casinos in Vegas, that may well be the intention. Burleigh Heads National Park offers mini respite, in that at least it is not another high rise or souvenir shop. But this isthmus of bushland is, on a Sunday morning, undeniably popular with people in tight pants exercising, people who you suspect might use the words “media-based wellness inspirator” when asked what they do for a living.

A lizard sitting on a rock in the forest

Still, away from the curated coast path there are some pretty butterflies if you look close enough. Like everyone, enjoying relief in a lofty opening up out of the humid jungle. But also, like everyone, seemingly desperate to keep on the move.

I find the real gold of the Gold Coast is actually inland an hour, significantly less gold, more green and certainly not coast. You can still espy the sea and the skyscrapers from the Springbrook plateau, but in between lays verdant, dramatic, primeval rainforest.

Mist rising from a forested valley

Today, it’s significantly cooler and punctuated by cotton wool pockets of vapour drifting above the trees. Water is a major aspect of life up here, including a recent Cyclone Alfred inspired 1146mm in 7 days. It’s surprising the roads are – with a little repair ongoing – still open. And not at all surprising that the waterfalls are full crescendo. An idyllic honeymoon spot. An adventure invigorating. A location not immune to influencers but with enough space and spectacle to spare. A few miles and a million years from the Gold Coast.

Waterfalls plunging down to the ground

Not an influencer taking a rest in the rainforest

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From a land of water to a land of water, unfortunately timed for the final weekend of Dad’s visit and our disjointed sort-of-honeymoon. We were heading to Tathra on the far south coast of New South Wales. Compared to the Gold Coast it’s like going from The Prodigy at a rave to Enya in a spa. I would use more contemporary pop culture references but I’m getting old. Besides, Tathra has a mid nineties vibe, a time when presidents played jazz and unhinged dictatorish ones were being prophesised in The Simpsons.

Despite portents of doom, the weather wasn’t exactly terrible when we arrived. Sure, take a raincoat to walk to the pub but do so with hood down. Then up. Then down again. And, as the last remnants of daylight savings endure, sit outside but make sure you are close enough to the walls to be under the veranda, just in case.

The next morning started with promise too, in that I don’t think it was raining much. But arrangements to meet down on the wharf were changed in the space of thirty seconds. Let’s try coffee inside and see if things pick up. Then let’s have some lunch and see if things pick up. How about after afternoon tea… maybe things will pick up then? But you surely know the rain has set in when the monopoly board is unleashed and you take comfort in a jam and cream lamington.

Two people taking photos of large waves at sea

Wispy wave action from a long exposure iPhone shot of the ocean

Thankfully these are good indoor Sundays, when hearty food and drink is matched by cheery company and chat. When cats retreat to bedrooms and paper planes rain down from the indoor skies. A time and place where it only costs $400 to buy land on Sydney Harbour and then, almost inevitably, end up in jail. Hoping to break free as the wind and the rain lashes at forty five degrees.

It was almost dusk when things did marginally pick up. And me, my Dad and my wife managed that kind of walk which was invigorating and refreshing and all the more enjoyable because of the wildness of the weather. Sure, let’s hope none of those branches sway any further than a few metres, and watch out for the newly formed rivulet trails. But check out those waves and those sounds and the clouds blowing through to dump more rain on the hills.

This weather all sounds very British. Which, by good narrative fortune and by way of Bermagui and Batemans Bay takes us back to that figurative Bath. Most of the passengers who came together are now on their way, the final one set for the 1540 to London. Balloons have deflated and cards are packed away. On the platform, two solo travellers have united, ready to embark on the next leg as one. Stand clear of the closing doors. Bristol Parkway, and far better places, await.

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Up and down under

Yes it’s that time of the year again where I feel contractually obliged to say something, anything, about Australia. Have I been here so long that delightful sandy weekends and forays into that once mythical bush are so run-of-the-mill? Usurped by exotic escapes to Tavistock, ambles through brambles in Wiltshire, train station sandwiches in Preston?

I went to Sydney fairly recently and it hardly warrants a paragraph. To be fair it was a fleeting visit offering little new or enticing other than a convenient Gelato Messina. No ferry ride, no beach bums, just a quick visit to see the Opera House in the drizzle. And a sigh of relief farewelling the marching tentacles of Campbelltown.

a sandy beach with waves from the ocean

If Sydney seems all a bit of a chore these days there is sufficient antidote down on the south coast. Even if you do exactly the same things over and over again. The Braidwood coffee, the Tuross Boatshed, the Bodalla Dairy. Little appetite left to wander indecisively around Bermagui Woollies. Waiting to be inspired by a quick sale.

After all those stops on the way down I feel like the size of a whale but then I see a whale and it makes me feel better about myself. I see a lot of whales in fact, both out on the open water and from numerous outlooks on dry land. None of them breach Free Willy style but there are plenty of flapping fins and tails to keep things just the right side of awe-inspiring.

An image of a whale in a deep blue ocean

The best vantage came around the Blue Pools of Bermagui, further consolidating the town’s position as the most likely to make you say ah sod it let’s quit this place and run an Airbnb/mushroom farm/Chinese import business on the coast instead. Judging by the postcards on a board outside Honorbread, it seems others have done similar, though largely with a tantric meditation crystal hemp cleansing forest kind of ambition.

A man fishing with a mountain in the background

The board is well-read given the wait for coffee on a public holiday weekend. I fondly remember a quieter time here, when I managed to nab a very fine pain aux raisins to take onto the beach along with coffee and Dad. No such luck this time thanks to the irritating cliché of a man in front of me deliberating like a moron on which exotic unpronounceable pastry morsel to take away and then opting for that last “snail”. A disaster. I was bitter, resentful, hateful and I still haven’t found a decent pain aux raisins since.

This includes in the hometown of Canberra. For which I hear you ask, what of Canberra? Well, still infinitely liveable, mildly interesting, a little needy but well stocked with common browns. I have enjoyed a few Monday mornings at the Botanic Gardens, a pale imitation of my father in pursuit of butterflies. Peak rice flower action precipitated an attempt to grow one at home, but so far all I have observed upon it is a single, unaccompanied, inevitable common brown.

Butterflies on a pink flower

The tomato experiments are going better and – in recent days as we near the frightful weather outside of Christmas – are cheerily ripening. Fruits like plump baubles on a wilting wreath, waiting to be ransacked by a possum. The surreal juxtapositions of the festive season down under.

It is almost midsummer and I have pumped out a batch of cheesy marmites and about two million gingerbread men from the oven. One Christmas event at a winery was cooled by a slight breeze, another to come will require icy liquid relief. There is officially a heatwave, but what to make of such declarations in December. I just feel sorry for all the Westfield Santas, even with their air conditioned red satin thrones.

Sunset over forest and hills

Maybe the coast will offer relief. And prawns. Let’s hope so, for a few days prior to that 25th of December. So whether it’s in humdrum Australia or exotic England with your crazy storms and hype around minor celebrities ballroom dancing or eating kangaroo testicles on the Gold Coast, have a good one. 2025 promises much of something or other. Whether it makes the blog or not is another matter.

Merry Christmas!

A mountain with a tower reflected in a lake
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Parks

Sky fades to pastel as the sun sinks west. City lights twinkle in haphazard fashion, playing illuminated noughts and crosses on towers of glass. A glow shimmers off the water as a ferry glides through. There is a hum and buzz and the squawk of a seagull, amplified many times over by that of a hen party. Glasses clink under the off-white orbs of an opera house. We have cocktails. And toast the Sydney sweet spot.

It takes a while to get there, and a great deal of patience and effort and cost. Sydney is not the easiest of erstwhile friends, rarely offering a simple parking spot or vacant intersection or route untainted by a hefty toll. And, rather than chill things out, Easter seems to exacerbate them, as everyone wants to do the exact same thing in the exact same place.

Undeniably the city is at its most accommodating on a ferry, but you have to first get to the ferry and then hope you can get on. Yet, aboard, the veer right around Bradleys Head never fails to provoke a slight tingle, a just about pinch yourself moment of relief. An unfolding panorama of a city skyline flanked by prized jewels. You can see this feeling on the face of others too.

Rewind a few days and it’s not too dissimilar a mixture of frustration and delight in the Blue Mountains. Even on a weekday the lookouts are popular and – in parts – pricey. Staying here overnight helps, day trippers dissipating and local councils offering a rare parking freebie after six. With the going down of the sun, remnants of hubbub coalesce on top, gazing over the edge at that most natural of wonder. Space.

A landscape of trees and escarpments at dusk

The Blue Mountains proves a good Mum spot. Many of the best lookouts are easily accessible. There are countless cafes for coffee and chocolate and cake. There are – of course – snapshots of a landscape that will etch memories for a lifetime. And there is the option to embrace a range of these vistas from a cablecar or railway. Swiss style.

Scenic World is exactly the kind of tourist trap I would normally tend to avoid. But with exaltations from that pioneering election night loser, Portillo, and the benefit of easy accessibility and free parking, it proves a no brainer. A cool cloudy start up top breaks as we plunge rapidly down into the Jamison Valley, courtesy of the much proclaimed steepest railway in the world. For once, not only the Southern Hemisphere.

A railway dropping into a forest

The experience is akin to the dive of a rollercoaster, including that initial gentle roll forward that kids you that this is all going to be rather pleasant and somewhat overhyped. But hold on folks, and hope your bag and walking stick is tethered. All this is quite surreal when you look around and realise you are not hurtling toward a gaudy pleasure beach but gazing upon a UNESCO world heritage listed wilderness.

Down amongst the millions of trees there is now a boardwalk, complete with fairy lights and Gruffalo trails and scuffling lyrebirds. This links up with a cablecar which can take you back up top, where you can either plunge down ad nauseum (we go one more time) or take another cablecar over a small canyon carved by Katoomba Falls. Up here you can also buy many, many varieties of cuddly Australian marsupial in the gift shop or even some stodgy pizza. We opt for a more refined lunch in nearby Leura.

A chocolate desert and lady with a chocolate milkshake

After lunch we make note of places for a potential afternoon treat. In between food, a stop at Sublime Point for another sublime view. Only here we were stung by parking for a mere 20 minutes and a rockiness just a little too severe for Mum. The pain eased by an overdose of chocolate back in Leura.

I wouldn’t say all we did was eat and congregate atop spectacular viewpoints. But with evening light fading within the Grose Valley and a quick stop off for megalithic outlooks at Evans Lookout, the day culminated with leftover chicken and salad at Govetts Leap. Peace and serenity among the drama, a fitting end to wild Australian majesty fading into the dark.

A wilderness landscape of gorges and escarpments lined with trees

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Coming down the mountains was a quiet affair, the back road via Bell and Bilpin feeling remote and sombre as clouds lowered upon densely clad hills. Fine drizzle intermittently coated the windscreen, necessitating frequent adjustment of wiper speeds. It wasn’t as inspiring as I would have liked at Mount Tomah, the Botanic Gardens offering mediocre coffee among a commendable variety of plants, not quite dazzling in an autumn peak. For the first time on Mum’s trip, a pervading feeling of winter crept onto the horizon.

A scrumptious apple crumble slice lifted spirits in Bilpin, even if we sat and ate it in the car, British style, as rain gathered force. It was only a passing shower, a few more grazing the route down into Sydney, where summer swiftly returned. Here at last to a city high on bucket lists and – on balance – rightfully so. Especially when you can find that sweet spot.

Sydney attracts people from all over the world and high among them are the Irish. It was a very large coincidence that a few weeks before, flicking through TV channels in despair, I stumbled upon Sydney Weekender. A largely vacuous program plugging the merits of Sydney and surrounds, a feature on food options alerted me to Big Dave’s Chipper. Big Dave himself was the star attraction, promoting his authentic and barely nutritious Irish cuisine and what looked like ‘proper chips’. The chunky sort that may just come with ‘proper vinegar’ if, like Mum, you protest loud enough.

We sat and ate them overlooking a choppy ocean near Maroubra. This meant accumulation of tolls that continued apace all weekend, transitioning from south to north to south to east and inadvertently through city tunnels. We were staying north, up on a hill among lush ferns and frangipani with rainbow lorikeets for curious company. A quiet Ramsay Street in the suburbs a short drive from Manly, with free, on-street parking.

A rainbow lorikeet

Manly itself was another matter. A fine place to feel and smell the ocean air, to breathe in Australia with its surfboards and vitality and golden prospects, so enviable in many ways. A drawcard for many, many people on a Good Friday, transported by frequent ferries and occasional bus services and millions of cars. Cars congregating along every single street, making it especially challenging to find an empty spot and jump on a ferry into town.

I circled for a good 30 minutes before luck came my way, and achievements followed, namely parallel parking a hire car on a steep slope in a four hour space little wider than a hire car. It was a decent walk to the ferry terminal from here, but close enough to launch a foray onto that harbour, around Bradleys Head, towards that iconic skyline. Docking at Circular Quay to mill around like everyone else, ants drawn like honey to the white shells of an opera house.

Three people in front of Sydney Opera House

So much for people escaping Sydney over the Easter holidays. They were all here and pretty much everywhere else too. A few escapes into the bush provided some relief and – on terra firma at Bradleys Head – million dollar views without million dollar parking. Our lodgings also offered a breather from being one of the tourists. All too briefly a place we could pretend at living a privileged Sydney life.

A view through trees to the city skyline of Sydney across water

While it was tempting to linger on the deck with the lorikeets, Easter Sunday was the last full day of Mum’s visit to Australia. There was one gaping hole to be filled, one superlative cliché to pop in the bucket. For any Brit, Australia is as much about Bondi as it is kangaroos and cork-strewn hats. Sweltering in late summer heat, thousands of people browning and reddening and frolicking in the surf.

A view of a crowded beach hyped up by everyone despite being quite disappointing, along with a swimming pool that is very pretentious

We stopped for little more than 30 minutes for obligatory photos, before heading to Watsons Bay for what I envisioned would be a fine, lazy lunch. The reality proved a no-go, an impossibility, a narrow isthmus way beyond capacity. So a quick brainwave drove me towards Bondi Junction and the Southern Hemisphere’s most scenic Westfield food court. It was blissfully quiet here and easy to park too. Suspiciously so. Westfield was closed, and by now travellers were getting a little hot and bothered.

And so, just down the hill from our Airbnb, we resorted to some takeaway at two in the afternoon. I know the Koreans love this stuff for Christmas, but I hadn’t really imagined we would be having KFC as Easter lunch. It was hardly living the glamorous Sydney life. And while hunger ensured it went down with satisfaction, I was keen for this whole game to be lifted.

Cue a post-nap turnaround, an ‘ah f*ck it, let’s get an Uber, and have some cocktails.’ Dropped off close to Manly Wharf, squeezing on a ferry again, passing Bradleys Head, entering Circular Quay as the sun heads under the bridge and towards the horizon. A table underneath an icon, a bustling hum, a squawking seagull, twinkling city lights. Cocktails and snacks and a cool relief of a breeze. A sweet spot amplified by all the love. Park right here.

A seagull perched underneath a sunset and city lights
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Shoal havens

Alongside death and taxes it seems a certainty in life that you will be greeted by heavy rain on your first day of holiday. This after many weeks of glorious weather, hotter-than-average temperatures, and hours stuck inside on a computer, gazing out at it all.

I suppose it was all due, departing a chilly Queanbeyan car pick up point, heading into weather fronts through Bungendore and Braidwood and down the sliding mountain road to Batemans Bay. At least there was finally rationale in Mum packing a raincoat and good sense in waiting out a particularly heavy burst in the shopping mall.

Back it is to BOM radar viewing then. This was more promising than times past and a gap allowed at least a foray to the waterfront for a big bowl of prawns and some deep fried snack packs. Eating passes time and weather fronts and when we made it through the majestic forests and potholes of Mt Agony Road, the sun appeared to enliven the greens, blues and yellows of Pebbly Beach. Sopping wet kangaroos sought vantages from which to dry, positioned perfectly for wandering tourists to capture Australia. Potholes also dried out a bit.

A kangaroo beside the ocean

Almost unbelievably the rest of the day featured ice creams and dips in the pool and one of those early evening ambles on Mollymook Beach that bring a singular satisfaction that can only be fostered by golden light with seaside sounds and sandy, salty sensations. Hardly a wash out.

Water lapping at a sandy beach

A lady eating fish and prawns and two people at a beach

Still, a potential wash out was forecast for later in the week so with fair weather we hot-footed it to Jervis Bay the next day. Things started a little cloudy but were blessedly calm; calm enough to exit the marina at Huskisson and venture out looking for dolphins. A distant flap in the water proved a signal beckoning the boat to hang out with them for a good hour or so. Animals and humans enjoying the ride.

A dolphin in the water

A path through forest and views of a white beach

The day won’t get too much worse with lunch among the spotted gums and an almost empty white sand and aqua bay. And while Mum was more than content to bask in the middle of Greenfield Beach I conformed to type and wandered off into the trees and out upon another almost empty white sandy beach.

With boat trips and beaches this may have been peak holiday, the only blip being the iced coffee hastily gathered in Vincentia. It is rare that I would waste something but Mum and I agreed this would be better served to the plants than to us. We’d make up for it with cocktails later.

A drink beside a pool overlooking the ocean

And so to make the day even more insufferable we gathered at the Pool Bar at Bannisters Point as the daylight faded to gold and red and indigo and black. Yes, it is the cheaper option to Rick Stein’s seafood restaurant next door but with what I imagine is less formality and fewer bisques. The salt content – if you have ever seen one of Rick’s TV shows where he adds just “a little pinch” – was certainly on point.

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And so to that day of heavy rain which turned out to be an early morning spell of rain clearing to drizzle and mackerel skies. Among all the excess it was kind of nice just to mull around; to dawdle over breakfast, to take a short drive out for morning coffee, to lightly lunch and to nap. It was far from a write off either, with steps gained on a looping afternoon ramble around Mollymook itself while Mum prepared a warming, home-cooked dinner to go with some wine.

And with that day ticked off, the next was certainly clearer if a little cool thanks to a wind change. The kind of breeze that sets you thinking where can I go to maximise advantage of the sun with natural shelter? Well, bustling Milton wasn’t such a bad start, basking in the concrete next to the Princes Highway, coffee on tap. And then along many a bend to the peaceful shores of Bendalong, for a spot of paradise.

It wasn’t the friendly rays or the handsome bay or, indeed, shelter from forest that put Bendalong a touch above. It was our very own ocean swimming pool, formed by a quirk of tide and rock. A clear water haven warmed and bejewelled by the sun. A gentle place to wallow.

Clear water next to an empty beach

A fitting final taste of the beach, before a fitting final dinner. Sure, it was at Mollymook Golf Club which was less Pringle sweaters and plus fours and more meat raffles and franking credits. I’d usually do my best to avoid an establishment where you need a membership card, one additionally thriving from the misery of gambling addiction. But it was nearby, had a reasonable menu and – with a little extra effort to snare a table – oceanside views.

Perfect to watch as surf rowers charge full on over the first white cap, the reddening sun lengthening shadows and softening the skies. Gulls scatter and soar while – finally – the last winning ticket of the never-ending meat raffle is loudly aired. A few murmurs, the odd shuffle and – now all out of slabs of minute steak and glutenous pink snags – the club practically empties. Until next week.

For Mum and I it is until some other time and probably some other place. We linger one final morning beside the sea before meandering towards charming towns and verdant valleys of the Highlands, pausing to admire precipitous falls and rugged sandstone wilderness. A taster of – come rain or, more likely, shine – a little more still to come.

A lady taking a photo of a beach
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Oops I did it again

Blog life seems to be taking the form of a brief flurry of updates followed by months of silence followed by simmering guilt that I should be creating something and sharing it followed by slowly creating something and sharing it followed by a brief flurry of inspiration and productivity followed by months of silence.

In real life, 2024 started with a bang in Sydney as one parent flew home, another arrived and, in between, the weather got better, I hung out in a pizza truck, held down a job, looked for new butterflies and scored some gold. And then sapphire.

What further superlatives can one spout about the Sapphire Coast in southern New South Wales? Visited once again but on this occasion seen through the fresh eyes of my Mum, down under for the very first time. Pinch yourself moments on white sand, vivid blue water, dense green eucalyptus. We’ll get there, with some fuel.

Alas after a week of heat and sunshine in Australia’s capital we hit the coast just as the cloud started to roll in. This didn’t stop obligatory visits to Tuross for waterfront seafood and Bodalla for sublime ice cream afters. A stop overnight in Narooma was pleasant if a little gloomy while morning coffee in charming Tilba brightened things up a touch.

It is at the parental intersection of Bermagui where glimmers of sunshine again reemerge. With vintage cheese from Tilba, bread from Honorbread and assorted extras from Woollies, we decamp at its lovely bay just as a blue hole in the grey opens up, like a portal into the upside up. A few regulars wade into the water for a swim, while the summit of Gulaga emerges beneath the receding sheet of cloud. The sapphire has tepidly begun.

By the time we reached beachside in Pambula, the atmospherics were notably more sparkly. A short walk from our cabin past delinquent kangaroos led to the sweeping arc of sand disappearing all the way up to Merimbula. A decent chunk of sun livened things up and illuminated the colours of the water. Here was – wrapped up a little because of the wind – a chance to unfold the seating contraption and maybe just doze. And then to open the eyes and be dazzled.

For dazzling it is hard to look past the shallow waters of the Pambula River, lapping at powder white sand and banks of eucalyptus chiming with the sound of bellbird. A cloudy start the next morning magically evaporated for a perfect amble. Peaceful apart from the occasional fisher and brisk walking lady having a cathartic meltdown on the phone.

It doesn’t take much to consider how this must look to virgin, English eyes. The vibrancy as if the TV has gone on the blink during an episode of Eastenders. Deep blues, shimmering gold, blinding white, blanketing green. Gently lapping translucent water, warm and pristine. Nature largely uninterrupted, heard in melody but rarely seen. Apart from a resting Orchard Swallowtail.

We returned to the Pambula River later in the day, just because it was there, around the corner. In between, the hustle and senior shuffle of downtown Merimbula, where millions of tax rebates are frittered away on hot weak cappuccinos and chicken parmigianas annually.

Bar Beach is a favoured spot, partly because you can get a good coffee overlooking a small, sheltered aquamarine bay. It is calm and appealing enough to swim in, especially with those English eyes. Thus a mother is submerged while I inch out just past knee high.

It would be good to come back here for a double bacon and egg roll. So we do just that on Monday morning and not for the first time in my life I am facing abject disappointment at a sign proclaiming the availability of a limited menu only. There is no double bacon and egg today, at least not this side of the estuary. Tomorrow will be fine, I am told. But there is to be no tomorrow.

And so sometimes fate dictates change, a new experience for me too. Nothing radically different of course, but a bacon and egg roll across that channel of sapphire on an isthmus of land known as Fishpen. A takeaway taken away to a small pontoon, bedecked by self-funded retirees living their best life. With ample time to dwell and, should they wish, write about another day in paradise. Such luxury.

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You better watch out

I imagine people imagine spending Christmas in Australia on the beach. Barbecues sizzling, beer stubbies and glasses of Chardonnay clinking, the background soundtrack of pounding, refreshing, aquamarine surf. Dress code: thongs, budgie smugglers and Santa hats. Perhaps the odd singlet professing No Wucken Furries. She’ll be right maaaaaate.

I imagine Dad was not quite imagining this when arranging his first Christmas in Australia, but perhaps not far off. I doubt he was imagining a sodden suburb of Canberra, confined indoors as thunderclaps rage and the decision, the very right, to wear shorts on Christmas Day is a brave one. Family warmth proves consoling, food nourishing and, all in all, she’ll be right maaaaaate. I guess it was far from clichéd.

Weather forecasts and santa hats

The sun came out on Christmas Day, the only downside being it was 7:30pm and not a lot of it was left. But still, BOM Radar viewing could be downed for a brief period and I could go for a quick walk before again imbibing quantities of ham and other saturated fats. The sun set and would, hopefully, come up once more.

And it did and for a moment outside Doubleshot waiting for a coffee on Boxing Day morning it felt truly Australian Christmassy. The test match started on time, Australian openers plodded on and Dad and I sat outside to eat traditional mashed potato with ham and an arrangement of pickles. To snooze or walk it off? Snooze appeals, but the sun is still out and the BOM radar looks okay. We shall walk.

The walk quickened on the way back to the car as rumbles of thunder intensified and evil clouds spilled down the mountains into the Gudgenby Valley. What started out promisingly was now an escape from paradise. A paradise of chirping birds, grassy meadows and fragrant eucalyptus. A footstep into the wild, sedated by the meandering waters of Rendezvous Creek and the encircling mountains. A spot to dwell and marvel and appreciate. Usually.

A green valley under dark clouds

At some point on the road out of Namadgi someone up in the sky tipped a massive bucket of water down on the earth all in one go. A few minutes later it was dry again. BOM radar episodes were confusing, using the classic dramatic device of leaving things hanging. Would it, wouldn’t it, where and when and why? I pity the poor forecasters who have been lambasted for their forecasts of late (hint: the clue’s in the word forecast). It’s like forecasting an overlapping cohort of people will go apoplectic about a food store not selling tacky plastic flags the wrong shade of blue made in China which will probably end up in the stomach of a turtle on a degraded barrier reef. How unpatriotic of them.

I tell ya what’s proper Aussie. A majestic red-bellied black snake nonchalantly crossing your path and disappearing into the bush like it couldn’t give two fucks. They must be liking the humid sunny mornings followed by thundery downpours as much as they like putting on shows for Englishmen to tell terrifying tales to all the folks back home. You beauty.

This one was in Tidbinbilla, prior to the inevitable emergence of a thundery downpour. It was a highlight of what turned into a good day… largely because the thundery downpour came late enough to be able to do things first. It was a day which started off closer to home, down by the Murrumbidgee River and a walk to calendar-worthy Red Rocks Gorge. Greeted by a resident Peregrine Falcon, it was a perfect site for a flask of tea, a couple of pieces of shortbread and a watchful eye on potential snakes.

A rocky gorge and river

At the end of the walk, BOM Radar still looked pretty clear so Tidbinbilla came as a bonus. We picked up some takeaway lunch, spotted a new butterfly close to our picnic spot and continued on into the Sanctuary. Focused on elusive platypus, when someone says to you “watch out for that black snake” you do tend to almost fall over yourself. I have almost stepped on them before. At least this time there was warning and chance to admire, from a little distance.

A snake!

* picture credit: Dad (don’t get too close!)

There seemed plenty for a snake to eat in Tidbinbilla. As much as there was plenty to eat at home. Having said that, I was tiring of ham and leftover desserts and a homemade lentil couscous salad thrown in to create the illusion that I was eating healthily. I was also tiring of being subjected to magical storms appearing from nothing in the space of half an hour when out in the middle of nowhere. Like at London Bridge Homestead, billowing clouds gathering upon all sides, the only hole being where we stood. Wondering whether to shelter in the dilapidated ruins of a shed or driving home with the assistance of BOM radar akin to an airline pilot weaving around tempestuous anvils of doom. Crash or crash through.

Old sheds among some hills under a cloudy sky

I was over the drama. What I needed was a settled, uncomplicated day. And also giant prawns. What I needed was some Australian Christmas.

A beach and sea

Trees and water and some prawns

It came a few days late on 28th December, driving to the South Coast to feel sand and sea and waves and a bit of congestion as people gather in pilgrimage to the ocean. Shady Murramarang forests delight and walks to untouched beaches are a blessing. Kangaroos hop along the sand, sea eagles soar and people frolic in thongs, budgie smugglers and Santa hats. It takes a while to arrive, but there are also giant prawns to be had under a cloudless sky. No wucken furries.

A drongo in the ocean wearing a santa hat
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Holiday viewing

Growing up, Christmas TV viewing used to be such a big thing. A double episode of Eastenders in which someone and/or something sizzles in a suspicious blaze. A blockbuster movie that was so new it had only aired in the cinema little more than a year previous. A Father Ted comedy special which was really fecked. And of course – usually avoided because of concurrent feasting on dried up old turkey – The Queen.

While others still go crazy over Love Actually or A Muppets Christmas Carol or even the old royal turkey himself, I have mostly been watching the BOM radar this holiday season. Only Big Bash cricket – for all its stupidity – competes for airtime, though usually in the background, usually while looking at the BOM radar. It’s riveting viewing, where you simply won’t believe the biggest twist yet.

They say Christmas comes around earlier every year and it was just ticking over into December when BOM radar became the must watch event of the year. Was Mount Kosciuszko up in the clouds, was that storm clipping Thredbo, would it ever stop raining in Jindabyne? Would Yarrongobilly Caves provide best refuge or how about the local pub? As long as you get in after the meat raffle and before the Christmas karaoke, yes.

A wallaby and flower in the bush

Rain, rain go away and come back in the form of a waterfall. A lull in weather drama one morning providing relief and release and joyous, primitive, natural freshness. Sawpit Creek plunging and fizzing and totally out of mobile range to check the radar. Ignorance and bliss and all that.

A waterfall among some trees

Nimmitabel also produced sketchy mobile data and all I can say about that is it was a stroke of luck that I fancied a pie. Or, supposedly, Cornish Pasty. While discovering the sacrilege of sweetcorn the heavens opened, rapid rivulets formed and I prayed for the car outside. By time I forced down the last corner of dry pastry it had stopped, and Dad and I plunged down towards the coast.

I wouldn’t quite say the rain followed us. At least not until after we navigated flooded detours in the Bega Valley, stopped the car, and went to discover sea foam oozing through Wallagoot Gap. Only then did the rain return, obliterating the scenic drive to Bermagui and forcing fish and chip consumption in the car.

A black and white image of a wild seascape

There was clearly a bit of a British summer holiday vibe going on. This extended to the following day when it was – in spite of more downpours forecast – only really mostly cool and cloudy. Relativism a conduit of positivity, low expectations a nurturer of delight. Mustn’t grumble. Things could be worse. We could do something.

It wasn’t really a peachy beachy day, unless seeking moody shots of rock formations and blustery coastlines. So we ended up in Tilba, drinking coffee and eating cheese. In between, taking a tour of its lush environs under the brooding hulk of Gulaga. Briefly the sun came out, and so too the flies.

A decorative garden and a view of some hills

With all the runoff of recent days the normally sapphire seas around Bermagui were a bit more Bognor. But Monday – the day of travelling back to Canberra – was much better. Radar viewing indicated little going on, much like a filler episode of Home and Away (or a normal episode to be fair). There was good coffee on the beach to kick things off, good waterside coffee again in Narooma and fish and chips by the lake in Tuross for lunch. Filling the time between dining stops, beach views and maybe the risk of sunburn.

In fact we stopped stopping at beaches because we were tiring a little of golden sand and fabulous blue waves. A bushwalk among the spotted gums was calling. A search for elusive butterflies and a surprise sugar glider, taking advantage of a respite in the weather to feed on nectar and ambrosia. Inspiration for the ice cream at Bodalla Dairy.

A beach and blue water

coffee, coffee and ice cream

For a day, BOM Radar was barely a thing. The Australian summer in all its glory was back. Even the sea started to look that little more sapphire. But then I heard they commissioned a second season. Featuring a Christmas special. In which there will be some even bigger twists you never ever saw coming in an unprecedented TV first. Oh how I hark back to a spot of arson among the mince pies in Eastenders.

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Life cycles

While closing an impromptu trip to England with cream tea nirvana may convey the archetypal happy ending, life – even curated online life – isn’t as simple as that. Endings are rarely happy affairs otherwise they would just keep on going. And more often than not, an end is also a beginning and a middle and any other indeterminate point on the march of civilisation, a turn of the wheel in the cycle of life.

It’s nice when that cycle is electric powered, even if this may ultimately lead to the downfall of civilisation. There is nothing like the fillip of pressing a switch to give you a boost at the very moment you are flagging. Especially when one of those switches says TURBO.

I always thought of Salisbury Plain as flat. The clue’s in the name after all. It should be a doddle to cycle through, barring confrontation with tanks and gunfire. But tanks need steep inclines to be put through their paces and bullets have to travel uphill or something. The plain is far from plain.

And so, when offered the services of an e-bike to join that of my Dad’s, I was happy to give it a whirl. Funnily enough, pride and that old man in Lycra tut-tutting in my head made me pedal au naturale for as long as possible. But when you flick that switch there is no stopping you.

I was quite the passenger that day, in more ways than one. Usually in awe at my map memory, if was to retrace our route across the plain I’d be as lost as a ray of sunshine in Manchester. Each chalky track seems to lead down to a tangled thicket then up past a copse and left towards some squaddies and then 180 degrees avoiding gunfire and then straight through a paddock before joining what looks like where we were an hour ago. Somehow this 3D puzzle spits you out in a village and you find yourself recuperating with a cider and delicious battered fish sandwich.

It was worth all the pedalling (and quite frequent button pushing) to be in that pub garden. British country pubs in the sunshine are really like nowhere else. I wasn’t expecting to be in another one an hour or so later, but even e-bikes get punctures. And unfortunately the pub was the nearest point of refuge as Dad turbocharged his way to the rescue vehicle.

Fast forward a few turns of the wheel and white chalk becomes white sand, fish sandwiches become fish cocktails, and electrical assistance becomes all my own willpower.

Returning to a classic bicycle has been tough, any incline – however short – feeling like a mission to reach base camp. Maybe riding in Australia is just more of a challenge, what with the limited number of proper teashops, the higher proportion of fit athletic types putting you to shame, and near certain harassment by magpies.

From sweating in Salisbury Plain my first foray back on the bike in Canberra was a freezing affair. Okay, maybe seven degrees but there are simply not enough layers to shield the core from that breeze which whips up no matter what direction you face. I struggled for barely ten flat kilometres, and that included a stop for coffee and a M&S mostly chocolate biscuit.

But over time, on those rare occasions when the temperature makes it into double figures and the wind is below 15kph, I have been getting more acclimatised to cycling without electric again. Just little jaunts two or three times a week. A few more inclines, but nothing too steep. And still coffees and biscuits.

It’ll be handy for the bike legs to come back as I feel like my car might be stuffed! Something with the electrics, the transmission, the gears. Not as simple as a flick of a switch, the crank of a derailleur and a couple of allez.

I may have harmed it going to and from Jervis Bay, not that it screwed up at the time. Perhaps it didn’t like the moisture as the first rain in weeks dampened activities for the journey down and back again. Still, the Sunday was sunny, if not reaching the globally heated summits of earlier that week. And with reasonable enough winds there was an opportunity to once again revert to pedal power.

In my head it was flat between Sanctuary Point and Vincentia but I hadn’t been to Jervis Bay in many years. The reality is more lumpen but can I just put it on record that I made it up that hill whereas the younger, fitter-looking guy who whizzed past me on the flat got off and walked. I probably have a bigger rear cassette.

Between Vincentia and Huskisson it is all bliss. There are more young, fit athletic types but also oldies shuffling and dawdling and standing in the middle of the cycle path chatting to other boomtime babies with their designer glasses and designer dogs. The route follows the coast, all beautiful bays and turquoise waters and that eye-watering white sand. Plenty of escapes for a bike to bask.

Of course returning to Sanctuary Point required a good coffee and biscuit as well as inching over a couple of those lumps again. I almost didn’t make it but figured I could reward myself with two potato scallops to go with lunch as a reward. The downhill stretch begins.

Post-lunch fatigue was inevitable and, looking for a turbo boost, I switched to foot power to amble along a stretch of the White Sands Walk. Boasting majestic bays punctuated by lush, tall eucalypt forest, I would definitely put this in the top ten. It’s the kind of walk that would make one of those TV shows where some minor but amiable celebrity type goes for a walk, meets a few random nerds, and hangs about in a hidden World War Two bunker that they just discovered. (Talking of this genre, now Nick Knowles is titting about on trains…I mean how many middle aged white English men need to show us how to ride a train?!)

One of the best things about being here on a late Sunday afternoon is that most people have by now returned to Sydney or Canberra or Nowra or Wollongong. And, with my legs and feet now pretty much out of gas I was starting to blend in well with the retired locals. I used my last dose of energy to make it down beside the basin in Sanctuary Point, sit on a bench with a flask of tea, and watch the sun sink. Dipping behind the hills as if thinking it was some kind of ending. Just another turn of the wheel.

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Home and Away

Drilling into brick ain’t easy. But at least it’s – via a series of chunky payments over 360 weeks – my brick. The small hole above the bathroom window where I eventually gave up proving to be an imprint. My signature. The final flourish being the calls to the tradies that follow.

I did fix a wonky cupboard door, rip up a small piece of carpet, revitalise a cooktop and cleanse a stained sink. And I did manage to find a good plumber to repair a leaky tap and got some people around to do measures and quotes and hopefully install new flooring. The flooring has taken on an almost mythical quality, the promised sunlit uplands of when I finally feel I can properly unpack and organise rooms. At the moment, it’s somewhere on a ship trying to get into Sydney.

I think the delineation between non-homeownership and homeownership must be how many times I have been to Bunnings in the last month. It may be double figures though not once have I succumbed to a slimy morsel of cooked entrails with onions loosely encased in a slice of bread. I’ve been to Ikea three times and Kmart at least the same, plus some carpet showrooms and the expensive kitchenware section of David Jones, to browse. It is like I have entered a parallel universe I never knew existed, where a few hundred dollars here and there is offloaded with hardly the bat of an eyelid.

In the meantime, the regular universe has been doing its thing. In my neighbourhood there are some tall dark conifers under which sit a carpet of needles and the occasional crazy person. But there are also some wonderful deciduous trees putting on a rainbow spectacle as the Canberra autumn seeps in. The red and green king parrots blend into the canopy, only startling with delight when whizzing overhead. The cockatoos are voracious, wanton in their pursuit of abundant, nutty delicacies. Leafy detritus scatters the ground.

A week or two of still days in the low twenties has offered much. It’s great for a bushwalk and I took the opportunity of a somewhat back to normal Saturday to head up into the hills. It had been quite some time since I had last walked from Corin Forest out to Square Rock, fresh and pepperminty in the morning sun. At the rock, expansive views west and a flask of tea to go with a Creme Egg. Before popping into Bunnings in Tuggers on the way home.

A couple of four day weekends have propelled April into even more genial heights. While the first over Easter was a bit of a homestay, the second turned into a tale of two weekends, with Monday and Tuesday enjoyed on the South Coast. Narooma was my last minute overnighter, hastily arranged when I decided I was too tired and achy and old to camp. This at least meant plenty of room in the back for the bike, to burn off some of the cakes / ice cream / fish and chips via beautiful boardwalks.

Cognisant of Tuesday being a public holiday I was especially keen to feast on staples on the Monday lest everything be closed the next day. Setting out early meant perfect timing for coffee and a muffin in Mossy Point, enjoyed down on the public jetty. For the most part this was a picture-perfect setting for sipping and munching and soaking up the salty air, prior to the appearance of a wet dog keen to get in on some of the muffin action. I’m not sure if the remainder of my coffee comprised half dog seawater blend.

Next on the agenda after a morning coffee stop was lunch so really I needed to create at least a little time and exercise between the two. A diversion to Moruya Heads offered up a fine way to fill in the gap, taking in golden bays, tranquil lagoons and a blend of dilapidated shacks and multimillion dollar homes. This a scene practically replicated up and down the coast, including in the next town down, Tuross Head.

The Boatshed in Tuross Head caters for prince and pauper alike. While most people drive and park up for a spot of lunch, the more fabulous way would be to pull up in your boat while a member of staff hands out your seafood platter from the deck. If more people were doing this there may actually be somewhere to sit, but I contentedly took mine away anyway, around the corner and beside the lake. The one disappointment being the depletion of salt and pepper calamari from the menu. As I waited for mine to cook, piles of chips topped with calamari taunted me as they were delivered to happy people sitting on sunny tables.

I resolved to make amends with ice cream, filling the next gap between eats with a small but sometimes steep bike ride beside the Tuross beachfront. The ice cream came further down the road in Bodalla. An obligatory stop when anywhere slightly within the vicinity. It never fails to disappoint and I made the point of checking if they were open Anzac Day as well. Store that one in your back pocket.

With a heavier car I eventually make it to Narooma as the afternoon was heading into that moment of low light and lengthening shadows. Enough time to wander beside Wagonga Inlet as it twists its way towards Bar Beach and the small, hazardous outlet into the ocean. In the calmer waters, resident seals await patiently for leftovers from the fishing boats returning from the sea, or maybe to munch on dark chocolate digestives instead. Whatever floats your boat. And I think about the necessity of a light, leafy dinner.

While I missed the dawn services of Anzac Day, I arose early enough to sample the warming glow of a rising sun reflecting off the sea. With barely a breath it would’ve been inexcusable not to ride my bike along the waterways and Oceanside beaches up towards Dalmeny. And back again to Narooma where what I think is a fairly new cafe fulfilled my hopes for simple, waterfront coffee sips.

All that was left was to paddle in the ocean, lie on a beach, eat another ice cream and meet up with friends in Malua Bay before the journey home. Waiting for me there an unexpected delivery of flat pack furniture. Still flat and still packed, ready for that tremendous day when they can be assembled on a fake oak floor. Hoping to make it into the world without any more careless signatures – unless I need to anchor them to the wall.

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Bean there, done that

It is funny how an arbitrary line on the map can make such a difference to how things feel. Like totally new government feels. Different planning rules and street signs and higher rates and corflutes advocating for the next new candidate for the next new government. It’s not quite the transformation one feels walking from France into Switzerland, but welcome to Queanbeyan, New South Wales.

Somehow in Queanbeyan the gardens feel more exotic. As if it is longing to be part of the South Coast while ignoring the spectre of winter frosts. Dusk welcomes shrieking rainbow lorikeets while engine braking emanates from the trunk road heading through town. Surprisingly cute tin and weatherboard cottages compete for space with the sturdy brick brown blocks of flats lining the river. Buzzing waterfront taqueria contrast with a roundabout Red Rooster.

This is the juxtaposition of Queanbo life. A not quite Canberra suburb, a not quite country NSW town. A probable temporary life for me, though there have been a few properties that could have cut the mustard to make it last longer. You do get more bang for your buck, but at what cost?

Okay, well rates are set to increase by more than 60% over the next three years. The Queanbeyan River can sometimes flood. Everywhere else seems just that little greater, gas-guzzling distance away. And – at least where I’ve been staying – I just haven’t had the same level of greenery from the door.

I did find a reasonable coffee shop where you can get a large coffee for less than a fiver. Yet this little miracle means walking a little along the Kings Highway and then deviating through Brad Haddin Oval where you are reminded of the irritating deeds of Brad Haddin.

It’s a graceful and elegant oval set among large shady trees. Old folk from a nearby retirement complex play bowls and shuffle upon the tennis courts. It doesn’t really feel like Brad Haddin but perhaps he has mellowed too, joining the likes of Glenn McGrath and Mitchell Johnson as somehow thoroughly likeable chaps. I have doubts if Nathan Lyon will ever get there.

Perhaps Queanbeyan will feel the same to me, if and when it is no longer in my face like an amped up baggy green rage fest. I’m sure also when I leave someone will have come up with the bright idea of putting a café somewhere between the town centre and Jerrabomberra, providing the opportunity to grab a morning coffee and head into the bush. For now, flask tea is the best option.

Mount Jerrabomberra has proven the proverbially island in the sea. I had walked it once, gently rising along the main fire trail to a summit view and radio transmitter. But there are many random tracks veering off here and there, a spaghetti network offering infinite choose your own adventure.

Even the bush seems a little different here. Maybe it is the geology or the aspect or the way in which it is or is not managed. But one thing it has in common with many a neighbour is the encroachment of sprawling suburbs, trees spilling downhill to lap at a new road, a new Aldi, a new McMansion.

Apparently the land rates in Jerrabomberra are some of the highest in the country. Technically this is a Queanbeyan suburb but feels as much as it actually is over the hill and far away. What strikes me, more than anything, is that it has a stronger Canberra air. I think in the grassy median strips and footpaths between the backs of houses, and the engineered waterways and looping crescents, moulded to the hilly contours of the land. There is even a lake, albeit small, albeit with palm trees and an island that could well be Mar-a-Lago down under.

There are secrets here to be unearthed. Transecting that fringe between the mansions and the wilderness, a lushly green gully, a flowery scent of undergrowth, a deepening expanse of gum trees and acacia. The forest seems to push on, becoming more impenetrable as you go, perhaps heading ever eastward all the way to the ranges and the coast. Or maybe coming up against Googong.

Googong is the newer Jerrabomberra, the modern type where the larger houses take up pretty much all of their small block and where a scattering of townhouses offer as much floor space as an apartment at twice the price. What’s the cost of stairs and a garage?

It took until my last Friday night of Queanbo life to make it to Googong, or more precisely the fringes of Googong, bypassed to reach its namesake dam. This is no ornamental pond with palm trees or cultivated lake with coffee shops, but an expansive, Windermere-esque ribbon of water running many miles from north to south. The Lake District parallels may come as a stretch but there was something comforting and lovely strolling upon its shores under golden evening light.

Critics may jape that this is the best view in Queanbeyan, mainly because Queanbeyan is a long way behind your back. How do I feel about the place after almost an eight week stay? The welcome to town signpost sums it up well: Country living, city benefits, though I’d argue there are also city annoyances to add to the list. But in the ultimate test of the ‘could I live here?’ conundrum, I was pleased to enjoy a decent coffee one final morning, served up from my regular go-to café. Where, just before I depart, they finally remember my name.

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Grenful

I cannot believe I totally missed the big pick and pan. I mean, it’s not like the town of Grenfell is burgeoning with tourist sights. Yes, there are the archetypal painted silos, an old railway station and various manifestations of Henry Lawson, but that’s barely enough curiosity to fill a week. I’ll have to go back.

For the many billions of people unaware, Grenfell is situated in Central West New South Wales, a crossroads (or roundabout) between Young and Forbes, Cowra and West Wyalong. In many ways you may find it indistinct from all those other towns which regularly pop up every fifty clicks or so. In this indeterminate swathe of country, only gentrified Orange and an Elvis-upped Parkes may rise above the fields of canola, waiting to be cut down.

Still, I wasn’t really in Grenfell for touristing. Just being homeless and getting my laundry done, just like the good old days. Working remotely and staying with dear friends. Being grateful. And frequently offering entertainment for a three-year-old.

Oh to be three in Grenfell, where the world must seem full of stimulus. For us adults there is the Main Street and its chain of pubs which offer their own unique character. For me, it was hard to beat the Railway for its old school ice cold midis, the same again please on a warming summer afternoon. Quietly infiltrating a semicircle of locals with hats propping up the bar, one eye on the cricket.

In between work breaks and play breaks I sampled the local country coffee, taking on board various recommendations. I dunno, I think my friends have been living here too long because not once was I any more than mildly accepting of the coffee quality. I could blame the skim milk, but what else is token recompense for a caramel slice?

Given the abundance of caramel slice, I was pleased that among the essential items of life filling my car (clothes, water, mobile office) I had managed to fit in a bike. The roads of Grenfell are quiet and mostly flat and trips to the Main Street become more inviting with a breeze. The week endured hot, with early mornings proving the most comfortable for galahs and humans alike.

Yet it was a couple of evening rides that garnered more joy, despite the heat and surprising hilliness on the way to Company Dam. Three’s company you see, even if my two buddies, Howard and Henry, are benefiting from electric power. It was nice up here, replenished by La Niña rains and golden evening sunshine. Plus it was (mostly) downhill all the way to ice creams at the servo.

Servos – formerly known as petrol stations – tend to take on extra responsibilities in country towns such as Grenfell. For as well as U91 and chamois, you can usually buy an array of deep fried beige coloured goods: hot chips, chiko rolls, potato scallops, meat pies, fish bites. Most of the home cooking I was treated to was excellent but occasional chips on the side never hurt anyone.

Indeed, chips on the side were a highlight on the one foray out of Grenfell, to the neighbouring and larger town of Cowra (size being measured by the presence of Maccas and Aldi). In between, Conimbla National Park punctuates the farmland and proves both bountiful and sparse.

It is highly probable that both Norz and I were the only people walking the only tracks in the park that morning, the Wallaby linking up with the Ironbark. Beautiful swathes of flannel flower were a highlight but the other vegetation was tending towards the spiky and overgrown. Throw in a few spiderwebs for added spice and I was satisfied at my choice of long-legged activewear. Norz, on the other hand, had prioritised temperature control. The resultant encounters between nature and bare leg frequently provoking a soundtrack of short, sharp oohs and ows.

At least there was a lookout, and morning tea strawberries. The view a less dramatic and more modest interpretation of gorges visited in the past. Devoid of humans other than us two, it was a sensation to be replicated down in Cowra on a Sunday lunchtime.

I once had a nice pub lunch in Cowra but it must have been on a Saturday. Today, pub closed. Norz heard of a cute cafe that had recently started up, today closed. An ad hoc Aldi charcuterie or McAussie burger? Or the local chook shop on the main road, which appeared to at least be open? How can you look past chips on the side, with chicken salt.

In servos and chook shops and old fashioned bars with the cricket on in the background and average coffee and building heat and (admittedly overlooked) big things, it turns out this week in country NSW was fulfilling the quota of much that is regional, rural and remote. And when it came time to leave, I felt like I was only just getting used to there being nothing much going on at all. The journey back to Canberra heralded relative hustle and bustle and more trawling through the stairwells and cupboards of open homes. While the most open home of the lot, a home of warmth and friendship, was fading away in the rear view mirror. Until next time.

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A tale of two valleys

Well, I hope you had yourself a merry little Christmas. In a clear sign of ageing gracefully I was pleased to unpack a new, lightweight, bagless, cordless vacuum cleaner and a brand new thermos flask in pastel hues. I think part of the joy was in unpacking something rather than packing it up. Other festive highlights included a love-hate relationship with a ham (I’m so over you) and sitting in the dark in the middle of the day. I haven’t felt so hot since being in, um, England.

So it seems I’m at the point where vacuum cleaners are exciting, too much heat is wearisome and I find ample satisfaction in ambling around the NSW town of Tumut. It was noticeable how many times I was asked Why Tumut?, including from the Airbnb host making money from people actually staying in the town of Tumut. But it’s just nice. Cute and a little cosy, I could live here in something actually affordable. There is a decent café and a Woollies and an awful McDonalds all out of Caramilk McFlurries but most of all there is the river swishing fulsome through leafy parkland and cow-filled meadows.

The Tumut River joins the Murrumbidgee River which joins the Murray River, feeding gigalitres of water downstream during the La Niña spring. For once there is almost too much water, and too much Dorothea Mackellar, espoused by the usual suspects to justify this as normal. Even my pretty little Tumut is not immune.

Feeding into the Tumut River, the Goobarragandra shows signs of flood in its flattened banks and weedy debris. It’s been a lovely drive through luscious countryside to Thomas Boyd Campsite and a trailhead for the Hume and Hovell. I walk a little of the track, barely decipherable through tall, snake-infested grass. It’s okay but nothing to write poetry about.

I pause for coffee (in an old flask) and a Macadamia slice purchased from Gundagai bakery. And decide the best means to perk things up – and fulfil the clichés of middle age – is to hop on the bike.

Flat and sun-kissed, the going is joyous as the road nears the banks of the river, seemingly wilder and more dramatic than it was around the campground. Grassy plains yield to undulating meadows, the shadows from cotton wool clouds projecting onto higher, bush cloaked peaks.

All too soon the river meanders away from the road and those undulations kick in. I climb one and decide that will be enough. And dream of Christmas futures when I can unpack an e-bike.

Is another sign of getting old waking up with the kookaburras? I certainly have evidence to support this theory but then there are also those outliers. Or inliers, so to speak.

In truth the Christmas break has produced some relative lie ins, but this has been countered by a desire to get out early before the furnace is at full force. So there have been a few mornings where instead of sedately lying in bed listening to Radio National and sipping tea I have hopped and skipped out into the bush.

I entered Namadgi National Park around seven and was surprised to find a number of cars at the visitor centre. I suspect they had smartly set out for Mount Tennent while it was still cool and fresh. I wasn’t going to join them, instead heading further south to a rendezvous with a creek.

I do believe the Rendezvous Creek walk is one of the few marked trails in Namadgi I have never set foot on before. And with relatively low expectations (I find that can be the best approach here) I discovered utter delight. At first shady and fragrant, the trail opens out into a hills are alive style valley. The only sound being the rustle of grass in the breeze, the trickle of water, and the buzz of the great Australian blowfly.

Who needs touchscreens and Twitter and endless ham and Michael Buble schmaltz and David Warner tons and lightweight vacuum cleaners and Caramilk McFlurries when you can simply be blessed with the vastness of nature, the blueness of the sky and the buzz of a fly? But allow me one modern day indulgence. Make that two. A brand new pastel flask filled with tea and a Walkers shortbread mince pie. Well, it is Christmas after all.

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